Friday, September 16, 2011

Real Men (A Public Service Announcement)

A lot has been written and Jokes made about real men. This is meant to be a guideline, you judge yourself.

 Dress Guide, Real men don't carry a shoulder bag. They don't wear Speedos, Spandex pants or baggy shorts that have to be held up with their hand. They don't wear socks with sandals.
Any kind of clothing you see in a John Wayne, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood or Bruce Willis movie is probably OK
Another hint, if you have to ask your wife if this is "too girly" it is, don't wear it (she will lie to you)

 Body piercings are out, in a fight they are the too easy to grab on to and get ripped out. I am fairly sure women don't dig it either, not to mention you look like a complete idiot.

Real men don't say "you know it's my birthday tomorrow" ( I don't know where that came from, just me)

Real men are polite to ladies and treat their wives with respect and hold doors for women and old folk. They are kind to children and dogs, kicking cats is authorized sometimes (just kidding) Real men aren't slobs they will cook and clean and aren't afraid to get their hands dirty.

Real men have welded with no shirt and bare feet and know how molten slag feels on exposed skin. Real men know what it feels like bust their hands on a piece of machinery and watch the blood ooze out between the grease on their knuckles.
Real men like the sound of V8 engines, Harley Davidsons and belt fed weapons.
Real men like the smell of burning Cordite and black powder, WD-40, motor oil, gasoline, diesel fuel, Hoppes gun cleaner, wood fires, dinner cooking on a cold day and a baby after a bath.

Limited crying is allowed in the following situations.
Birth of your children or grandchildren
Death of a family member
Playing of Taps 
Running out of ammo.

Crying is not allowed at "chick flicks", I understand you have to watch them sometimes just don't get too caught up.
 Real men don't try and impress anyone or talk big, they are not loud and obnoxious. Real men don't talk about it they do it.
Real men don't "go green" or hug trees unless they are climbing them.

Real men won't get in touch with their feminine side because they don't have one.

Real men understand that almost all problems can be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.

Real men won't leave the country until they are waist deep in the ocean with an empty magazine.

 Note : This list is not to meant to be all inclusive you are invited to add to it or write your own.


  1. Call me old fashioned but real men don't wear pink dress shirts. Come on, men! One day my boss and a male co-worker both wore pink oxfords on the same day. I had to laugh.

    Also, I don't think real men should admit when they can't fix something. For instance, my boss saying he's not handy so he called someone to repair something simple or that he doesn't know about cars so could never change his oil. Come on, I'm a girl and could change oil.

    I must work with a bunch of pansies.

  2. Mermaid, good points, Men do seem too "sissified" these days. What my friend Steven calls "Metro-sexual"

  3. You hit the high points, Duke; the rest is just details. Real men take responsibility (NOT "ownership" ... how I hate that phrase) for themselves AND everyone around them.

    A carpenter friend of mine says "real men don't shave; they hammer the beard back in & bite it off from the inside", but that's probably a bit over the top.

  4. Like I tell my redneck buddies when they come over and make fun of my solar cooking equipment, chemical free gardens, rain water harvesting system and other things that one would think is going green, I ain't green, just cheap.

  5. Thanks Rev Paul we do take responsibility, MDR I like that, I have heard "I was green before green was cool" I guess we were just "Cheap" like you say.

  6. How about a slight change to one of your points:
    When a real man finds his feminine side, he marries her...


  7. Duke, it's STEPHEN, not steven, that's metro-sexual. But, on the rest, damn right.

    Good post.

  8. The first time I checked my oil it was low, so my Dad told me to add a quart. 30 minutes later the oil level was the same so he came out to check what was going on.
    I tried to pour it all down the dipstick tube.

    I am never afraid to ask when I can't do something as long as the person is willing to show me how to do it and let me make the effort.

    I don't like Harleys or babies.

    Man your list is giving me hell.

  9. A real man can walk into a forest and use the bathroom without question. And they ALWAYS pee standing up.

  10. Can we add "listening to Amazing Grace on the bagpipes" to the crying list? Not that I really cry, I just seem to get a lot of dust in my eye when I hear it.

  11. Real men don't care about your list anymore!

  12. thegomezclan, good point. I like that.
    Stephen, my bad. I am used to spelling it both ways.
    Max, I meant it to be humor and serious as well. I think you get the gist of the points, you're good my friend.
    Mudbug, I actually did think of that but was trying to keep it dignified....good one.
    Hillbilly, man I missed that one too, that is an excellent one.

  13. Real men do not pick up makeup or shampoo or feminine hygiene products for their wives or girlfriends when they go shopping.

    Real men do not ask their wife's/girlfriend's permission to go to the restroom.

  14. Expatriate Owl, Thanks for adding to the list. Glad you commented.

  15. Expatriate Owl, I happen to disagree. Buying feminine hygiene products is a manly thing.

    If my woman is all raggedy Ann, I run to the store for her. Without question. That's what a man does.

  16. i love the list and gotta pat my buddy mudbug on the back for that last comment. for a man to pick up feminine products for his woman - there is nothing more manly than that!

    but the rest of the list is awesome!

    oh and MDR - thanks for that! we keep being called green or hippies as we do similar things as you do and i hate being called that. now i have an answer for people - we're just cheap - bahahahah!

  17. Mudbug, I do that on occasion myself, I agree.
    Thanks Kymber for your input. I agree also.

  18. Excellent article. You should also add to the list that real men do not use hair gel, foaming exfoliation cream, or tanning salons. And a big thumbs up to Mermaid for the part about pink shirts. They aren't "salmon", they are pink. When children are born, boys get the blue hat and girls get the pink one. How hard is that to understand?

  19. DY, Thanks for the input, I forgot the tanning salon one. My bad.

  20. Excellent list!!

    I have to add one more to the acceptable crying list:
    Hearing "Proud To Be An American" in association with any military installation or ceremony.

  21. Crunchy, you are absolutely correct. Thanks for the addition.